Thursday, March 5, 2009
If I left anything out my Apologies, What am I supposed to do now? Everything is going to shit at a faster rate than usual for me; it is like a Game of dominoes and one after another is falling. Pain, torment, I bitch, than get over it that has been the cycle but it isn’t stopping this time it is like a Truck with the Brake line cut it is just plowing through everything. I am trying to be strong, I am trying to put a happy face on and think Ya know that is life. But come the fat fuck on, Saturday night I believe my grandma had a heart attack, than I find out that same Saturday night my mother dies? All this bad shit happening and I don’t know what to do next, people say prey ok done. What’s next?
I am in a physical mental rut and I am not getting out of it with just prayer trust me. I try to breath but the air isn’t coming, every time I make a plan it is derailed. Every time I try to take myself out of the toilet, I am Doused with shit. I cannot try to make my life better at all without some unknowing presence destroying it with a fine swoop. I tried to kill myself four times for shit less than this, if there was a time I should buy a shotgun it is now. I am facing a possible 20 years in PRISON FOR A CRIME I DID NOT COMMIT! My grandmother is close to losing her life! I have nothing, absolutely nothing. Except the few fans I happily have supporting me.
I try to fight, I try to move forward and something is always there a huge welded metal door. With a Little window open for me to see all the happiness at the other side all the beautiful people’s faces living there lives.
I always said I hated my mother, fuk that bitch. She a hoe, I hope she die. And I got my wish, she is dead. It is funny to see how it happened. Seizure in her sleep. We never got to reconcile, never got to hug and say it is over I never got to say I forgave her. She is just gone, dead as a dogs dick. And everything surrounding that hurts, my ma was cheated on throughout the marriage with a man she left her family for. My elder sister is pregnant with twins because a dude fucked her while she was high on drugs. I want to end my fucking Life! But there is a part of me that knows things well get better. A part of me that believes in myself and well not give up in myself. I feel bad, I feel hurt, I want to cry and destroy my room I want to put a bullet in my brain. But I can’t not before I do what I am on this planet to do and that is tell my story and make people laugh and feel better.
Therefore, whatever happens Next I will continue, I will try and I will fight forward. I well do what I must I will not be beaten. I am alone right now only a few people are with me. I am alone in my apartment. I wish things can get better, but it is always darkest before the light.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
The last week and a day have been very depressing, very fucked up, very sad and very unfair. I was beaten, jumped by inmates; shoulder knocked about, lip busted and eye was hurt for half a day.
Last Thursday I was feeling down about my current life situation. I decided to write a blog to pump my head and self-esteem up, which it did. So I decided I would go out for a bike ride with my camcorder.
I went to my old job and saw two young males sitting on baskets so I asked them if they would be interested in joining me in making some videos for youtube. They said they would love too, so we shot a video together. I was happy I finally have a team of dudes to help me with my videos.
Now I am going home.
Riding my bike. Saw five people, three dudes, two girls. This short dude starts making fun of me. Well, I decided to start rolling the camcorder making fun of them all.
What the fuck is this an elementary school gang? Who you gone to rob niggas?
They made jokes on me as well. But it was all done in fun…well that is what I thought. The short dude says hey follow us. Since I didn't think they were angry with me and we were making jokes on each other I thought what's the worse that can happen.
We walking down the road cracking jokes on each other, they even open a gate for me so I can fit my bike in this apartment complex. Now A young fat woman with them than begins to talk trash on me. I crack a joke on her.
Shut-up bitch you look like a pregnant Walrus.
Yeah, Big mistake.
POW. Right in the face three times. I back back, "hey calm down" Then Pow she douses me with a juice she was holding. Than two of the three young men took off their shirts.
"You done fucked up now homeboy"
I say, "Hey man I thought we were just kidding? Look you guys are younger than me and I am bigger I am not gonna fight you so chill." POW 3 more times by a young man in the face. I had enough I drop my bike and lean back about to pop this kids face off and SNAP! The other kid got in the way and did some kind of block thing snapping my arm.
Now I just have one arm. Then POW-POWPOW the short dude starts punching me.
I say, Back BACK! I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST KIDDING AROUND.
"Nah Homie fuck that"
I can't fight back my arm is in serious pain. I run across the street and pick up this long rod. I extend it and scream. BACK BACK! They back up, I look in the distance and there is a bunch of people running out of their homes to join the kids in jumping me. Just then.
Police drive up jumps out the car. I drop the rod. They run PAST the three kids jumping me and puts a tazer to my chest. I say Sir, I have it all on tape. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS MOTHER FUCKER.
Now. They handcuff me and tell me to shut up.
Now they talk with the five that jumped me. They deny jumping me say I started everything, but they say I did not hit them. They did tell the officers a girl hit me but they did not tell the entire truth about the jumping.
The officers look on my camcorder see all the sketches I have and begin to make fun of me with the kids that jumped me.
Officer says, " Either you are mentally fucked or retarded which one?"
The officers than starts telling jokes at my expense with the kids. When it was over the officers says I am arrested.
"For what sir?"
"I didn't hit anyone"
"But you wanted too"
When I told the officers I wanted to press charges nope. When I told them my side, who cares. Did the kids that jump me get in trouble? Nope not at all.
They say it is aggravated assault because I was swinging a rod at the kids that jumped me.
I'll be back later to tell you all the jail experience.
Got into jail.
Had to sit in a holding tank with 60 other prisoners. We all had to sleep on the cold jail floor and wait for hours and hours. I waited for…ten hours before processing began.
Made me get naked and put on orange jumpsuit.
Than I had to wait for two days in cell, after cell, after cell. Sleeping on wet cement floor cold air bursting through the walls.
Breakfast. cold Sandwich and a tiny cake.
Lunch. Very cold Sandwich and a tiny cake.
Dinner. Damn cold my teeth falling out Sandwich and a tiny cake.
What is in the sandwich? Meat on wheat bread.
I saw guards beating these young men, guards threatening us. My arm was not taken cared of for over four days. I woke up at night on the cold cell floor screaming in agony.
AHHHHHHHHHB MY ARM AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Until they saw me in which case they began moving my arm I than started to yell loudly. They then started all to laugh, the medical team, the guards, other prisoners. He is faking fuck him throw him back in the cell for another 12 hours.
Until a nice doctor looked at my arm saw my rotator cuff is fucked up.
They finally put me in a tank with 20 other inmates. Bad thing is they put me in the worst tank in the whole jail facility. Youngsters' tank.
Think of Hell but with better lighting.
The children there 18 to 20 all fight over dumb shit. Then they jump kids.
I knew three young men in the tank. Darious, Newbie, and Reginald.
I saw them beat Darious until he feel out. He could not tell the guards because if you did the guards will beat you too. One night they told Darious to lay back in praying position as they took turns punching his face he ran out of bed into the hallway where he slept for he entire night.
They jumped him as well five on him.
Another kid name Newbie they beat until his face grew the size of a melon.
There was a few nice kids in there plus a 48-year-old man who I think wants to fuck me.
My night before being released I was jumped by 2 of the inmates for asking what's that?
They punched me in the face repeatedly all I did was take it and say. I am not gonna fight, I believe in God and Jesus and they will help me.
Really he will? Yes yes he will
Did he help that?
JAIL HIGH LIGHTS.
Old man had a seizure while taking a shit shat all over the floor as he was rolling about on the ground.
Met a dude that owns a record label underground dude
Some of the guards know my YouTube videos they call me the MySpace comedian.
My lawyer sucks.
I may go to jail for a long time
I haven't beat off in nine days.