Tuesday, May 13, 2008

My First Open Mic

My First Open Mic Video inside.

Well today was the day I had the big Open Mic Night my first I will go into detail what happened. I wrote down about eight jokes performed six, I was nervous the entire day leading up to the event. My Video guy comes to my house to damn Early, so I rush put on my clothes and run hug my grandma and tell her this is it my first open mic, she kisses me and tells me Good Luck Baby. I looked at my grandma and say “to the top because I been down for too long.”

Marz and I stop by the Mall to go loom around I then start hearing this sad church type of music so I stopped and just looked up at the sky because the mall had a skylight. It soothed me and helped me be less nervous; I had to get to the club by 6:30 to sign up for the open mic night.

Marz and I get there at five. When it is time to go into the club I meet a Comedian by the Name of Al Roads a funny guy sounds and looks very similar to Dave chappelle but has dreads and a beard. He sits me down and tells me everything I need to know about everything, don’t do this, you gotta do this, hold back on this, calm down with this, he gave me so much advice my head almost exploded.

By this time a ton of comics walk in, I mean about 20. Loud mouths, talking shit all that. Al introduces me to each one of them comics. Funny thing, everyone was talking about the Joe Rogan incident, even one of the comedians talked about it onstage when it was his time. The bartender was like ” hey ain’t you the guy that jumped on Joe Rogan back?” It was funny as hell.

So we gotta fill out our names on this piece of paper put it in a tin-can and Roach the manager, pulls out the name of the person then the person he pulled has a choice to go on show 1 show 2 or show 3. Show 3 is the worst by that time everyone leaves, it is even worse if you have the final last spot on show three.

So I look at Al and say, “I am gonna be pulled last and be the final one on show three.” He said “how do you know that?” I looked at him and said “because I got bad luck man just rotten luck.” And guess who got the final last horrible worst spot? ME!
So now, I have to sit down for three hours and watch every comedian go up, most are funny, most are horrible too. Al tells me I very may will bomb it happens to each person on his first open mic, the other comics chime in ya you gonna bomb dude.

When it was almost my time to go up, I went outside because that was where most of the comedians hung out. And I said to Al I am next, he was like kool I am gonna watch you. Then this dude chimes in, “this yo first night?”


“NIGGA YOU GONNA BOMB! You ain’t gonna be funny, no possible way. You cannot come here your first night and expect to be funny, and you see the crowed in there too?”
By now there was only ten customers and like eight comedians.
The man looked at me and said, “ima go on stage before you and blow you up, no I am gonna let you go first then let you bomb then blow yo ass up again.” He left me with ” if you can make them people in their laugh fuck everything and go to LA, if you can pull this shit out yo ass the first time you go up pack and go to LA TONIGHT.” Being sarcastic ya know?

Now I am mad and nervous thinking I am gonna bomb, these are professional comedians, They know what the fuck they talking about. so when my name was called all the comedians from outside came in to look at the newb. I went on stage scared and I DESTROYED THE FUCKIN ROOM MUTHA FUCKAS!

I mean it is a blur but I was hitting them jokes, the room was real real small so I commented on it. I got my first laugh I ran with it, joke joke joke joke. I came off stage that man that was talking shit just looked at me and he said, Get yo ass to LA.
ALL THE COMEDIANS, praised me Al was in shock. He told me he never saw anything like it, to come on dead last, ten people in the room barely laughing, to make them all wake up and laugh is truly great. He praised me, the other comics was outside saying my jokes laughing. They really liked my Eight ball joke.

They rush me outside, the comedians. DAMN YOU FUNNY, HOW YOU DO THAT? Man that was funny no open mic ever did that, even the bartender was praising me. Then this dude looks at me and tells me “one month, if you can pull off what you did for one month we’ll talk about getting you some work.”
Then the comedian that was talking shit, get this. Homeboy has big contacts was on Jamie fox comedy special, knows Jamie fox, Paul Mooney worked with all them he gave me his contact card tell me to call him anytime.

Then My friend Al hands me a card tells me he inviting me to Times square a comedy club in Texas which is a big urban room, he said many contacts will be there if I can pull off what I did tonight I will be made he tells me, I got to go do that next Wednesdays.

This guy name Jim when I went into the bathroom gave me a card that allows me to perform at a college seated 4,000 kids it is a open mic as well but I get more time 7 in a half minutes.

Next week everyone tells me to come back, which I will, I can now pick the time I want to go up since I was dead last. Al tells me that I killed, that I did great, all the other comedians tells me this too, customers getting out there seats to shake my hand. I even almost got this white bitch number.

Monday, May 12, 2008

First Open Mic Night and My Return To JTV

I want to say I do not know what to say, but truthfully I do know what I want to say. It seems everything in this chapter is ending. I feel so good right now so happy, I feel as if I conquered the world and I haven’t even stepped out on stage yet. I lived a horrible life, I still feel as if there are going to be millions of trials that I must encounter. However, I feel so accomplished me being off from JTV me being off everything was for me to finally be able to find myself more than I already have.

Have I done that yes and no, I still feel I need to learn more I need to gain more in my life until I am able to say yes. However, I feel a huge chunk of relief I was unmotivated I still have my doubts about pursuing comedy and JTV 100% but now I know this is why I am here on this planet. There is no alternative, I do not have a shlong cannot be in porno, do not have smarts, do not have athletic figure, do not have looks. All I got is making people laugh and making people feel good about themselves.

So you know what? I am gonna fight for myself and you all. I have sat down for two years, I cried for years and years I was scared. I was beaten by my mother and step father, I was molested by my sister and stepdad, my grandma almost died four times, my other sister is retarded, my other sister is gay. My Uncle Kevin is in jail for getting my gay sister pregnant, My grandma went into the hospital over 70 times! My grandma has cancer, high blood pressure, and diabetes.

My mother wanted to give me up for adoption, the women I loved left me for other men, I was in jail for four months, I have schizophrenia, paranoia, atypical depression and Bi-polar I have dyslexia. I tried to kill myself four times I hurt people beyond repair. I ruined lives, this isn’t suppose to be me succeeding, this isn’t suppose to be about my journey making it I was suppose to die! I had all the odds against me, and instead of looking at my hardships as lessons I looked at them as having a horrible life.

Well I take my beatings, I grew fat, I grew tiresome, I grew hurt. I still believed in something better, I believed in my comedy, I believed I was funny when friends and family members and people told me I was not funny I kept at it, and now I have a nation of people saying you can. So I am saying back I can I will, I cannot afford to lose tomorrow, I cannot walk on stage and fail, Failure isn’t a option.

I was destroyed for a long period of my life, I laid down looking up at the sky asking God for one chance.. Save me I asked him, help me, and he did. I am hoping that I can do this, I am wishing that everything in my life gets settled even more. Because of people saying I love you, I believe in you I can now say I love others as well as myself. I am here to help these people, that is my destiny. The only way I can save them from their pain is to make them laugh at mine. That is my destiny that is why I have been put through so much hardships.

Because of my site, I gained so many friends, nice caring people that likes me for me. I have gained a heart bigger than I had before, and it is funny because it is just a site. But I perform and act goofy and I make people get over there pain. Me, a man tormented by pain is making others get over there’s. That is telling me this is what I am meant to do, no looking back at the past saying why, I know why because I have to help I have to make others lives better by just making them feel like they are not the only ones going through the pain I am too.

I once was a much hated man I once had nothing now I have something, I have Love for myself and others. I have fans, I have friends, I have a dream. And the journey to make that dream a reality is the greatest part of it all. One night three years ago I was riding my bike home, I started to look at the sky it was dark and the stars looked so pretty.

I begun speaking to god telling him how beautiful the sky he made was. I begun to realize I am proud of what I been through because now I have a dream a dream I can fight to bring alive. My heart was beating and I felt so good, I thought all that happened because I had to make these people know I am here for them. That night I made a promise, I said God I promise you no matter what! I will become a great comedian, I promised on behalf of my grandma my friends even the people that hurt me so much I promised on their behalf I promised them all.

I thank God for the people he brought to me in my time of need the people that are self sacrificing like me i want to thank him for giving me the strength to not end my life. I want to thank you all for supporting me as well.

I will be back on JTV in two weeks on the 25th with a completely new show format, new characters, better pranks, better everything. I will make a name for myself in the comedy circuit I will conquer I will help. Everyone this is it, tomorrow I will walk on stage and it will have began

My destiny will have began.